my L&D

(This is per request of my cousin Jessica)

Let me paint you a picture:
I was 273 days into my pregnancy.
I pretty much looked like I had a beach ball in my stomach and felt like I had 5 bowling balls up in there.
I had the hospital "checklist" prepared and most everything packed.
I was nervous because I really didn't know what to expect.
I tried reading books but they bored me and most of them didn't have enough pictures.
So I'm swollen, ready to pop, back hurts, boobs hurt, feet hurt, eyelashes hurt...pretty much everything...but I was a champ and handled it all so well + the freakin 200 degree heat wave that happened to pass through Utah.
So add sweaty to the list.

Anyway: so I'm ready for my little guy to come. My doctor...who is absolutely the best ever...was going out of town on MY expected delivery date, July 8th. What the? Seriously? BUT with a little begging and pleeing and some "examinations" we decided that the little tyke inside of me was healthy enough to come out a week early. (Thank the heavens.)
Friday, June 29,2007 rolls around and I insert a magic little pill. (If that grossed you out just stop reading right here...cause it gets worse.) Trace takes me out to a nice dinner because it is going to be our last dinner as just the two of us. I got dressed...wore jeans, which looking back I should have just worn my beloved sweats...8 months and 26 days prego- seriously? Don't judge me....I love sweats.
During dinner I'm thinking...ehh...nothing is happening...just some annoying cramps. And hmmm, I haven't had cramps since pre-pregoness and I haven't missed them ONE bit.
My mom and dad were headed up for the big event and she calls me as we were headed home and says that she needed a nightgown because she forgot hers. Trace told her that he was going to pick her out something sexy (chick, chick, DELETED). So we headed over to WalMart. While walking through WalMart I was getting a little...okay A LOT annoyed with this whole "cramping" thing. We grabbed a nightgown for my mom and got the hell out of dodge.
NEXT PHASE: I get home and while I'm talking to some men about a horse I look down and see something very peculiar. I'm thinking, what the world? Did my water just break? I haven't even contracted yet.
I called my Doc and explained what had just happened and I told him that I haven't even contracted yet and that I've just had a LOT of cramping. He kind of laughed and informed me that those "cramps" were contractions. (DUH...really?) He said everything was fine and that it was just my mucus plug stuff. (I'm not so sure why NO ONE told me about that....I guess if I would have actually read the books rather than scimmed for pictures I would have known that. And on that thought- I'm really glad they didn't put a picture of that in a book.)
NEXT PHASE: Sleeping and resting and CRAMPING, aka contracting, do not mesh well. I tossed and turned all night. Tried sleeping while standing up. Tried sleeping sitting up. Nothing worked. Then I started throwing up...which didn't help in the sleep department. I thought about downing a bottle of Nyquil but then decided that it would not be good for the little monster. I didn't sleep.
NEXT PHASE: I pretty much just laid around and ate popsicles and endured the cramps. My mom and dad were around and we went and got some deli sandwhiches and made a last minute stop by Babies R Us. I don't remember much of that because I'll I kept thinking was that I wanted to be home and in my basement lying on a bed. I do, however, remember my dad smoking some ignorant Utah driver with his thick Dodge diesel smoke. (I'm pretty sure we were the ignorant ones.)
As the day progressed my contractions kept getting closer and closer. I laid on a bed in the basement and Trace read to me as I ate a box of popsicles. Finally around 8 o'clock we decided that they were close enough to go to the hospital. We loaded up in the car and headed over to the hospital. I waddled inside- I told Trace that he should wheel me in in a wheelchair for the HOLLYWOOD effect...he didn't go for it.
We got checked in and they checked my insides out. I was a 2+...whatever that meant. I thought I would be an 8 or something....considering I had been cramping for the past 24 hours.
They let me stay and hooked me up to all sorts of cords and wires and beepers AND to the magic potion, Pitocin. My contractions went through the roof. We watched Brody's heart rate go up and down. The nurse came back in and checked me....a THREE???? WHAT? I knew at that point that it was going to be a LONG night and I requested the epideral ASAP (don't judge me). I don't really remember the needle or the pain. All I remember was trying to hunch over and keep breathing AND stay completely still all at the same time...it was nearly impossible.
Trace watched and I thought he would pass out and my mom held my hand. It worked wonderfully. I was able to sleep most all of the night.
NEXT PHASE: When I woke up I could feel my extreme cramping coming back. I actually had tears coming out of my eyes. I thought- ehhh- I can tough it out. Then approximately .2 seconds later I requested to have the Epideral dude come back in and work his magic. 5 minutes later I was back to my normal, happy prego self.
NEXT PHASE: I was tested positive for Group B strep so I had an IV for the antibiotics. Then I had my Epideral bag of goodies. Then a regular IV bag. Then the heart monitors for me and Brody. Then my favorite, the catheter (that's a lie...it WAS NOT my favorite.) There were wires everywhere and I started swelling up like a balloon. Plus everyone around me was drinking Dr.Pepper and I was limited to the delicious and filling taste of ice chunks. That was annoying.
NEXT PHASE: Finally, dialated enough to break my water. I have no idea how much time has elapsed...however, it felt like I had been in there for DAYS. Then the exciting news...TIME TO PUSH. Ok, the nurse on one side, Trace on the other, the doctor down there, my mom off to the side, my dad in the back with a camcorder....nice.
Push for 10 seconds then rest. PUSH for forever and an eternity and then rest for 1/2 second. Repeat. This went on for about 5-10 minutes and then Trace saw the head and got SOOOOOO excited. He even went and got a mirror so I could see. Thanks. (chick, chick, DELETED.) ha ha.
Trace tried to count once for me while I was pushing but it went like this (read as fast as possible) 123456789 10. So funny. He told the nurse she could count from then on.
I pushed for, I want to say 40 minutes, but it might have only been 25.
THEN the most amazing, undescribable thing happened. I look down and see the doctor holding my little baby boy. Trace is smiling from ear to ear and kissing me and staring at Brody. It was wonderful. Then I realize that Brody hasn't cried...or made any sort of noise. The doctor was sucking "stuff" out of his mouth and airway. Brody was blue. Right then everything was slow motion. It felt like my world had stopped. I had an oxygen mask on and all I could see where the nurses massaging him and patting him. My doctor was calm which helped me remain calm. Then finally, I heard him give one loud cry and then he just grunted like a bear. I got to hold him long enough to get a picture and then they weighed him (7 lbs 12 oz) and took him away.
My epideral was still full throttle so I couldn't move my legs and I couldn't walk down to see him. 4 hours later...after some much needed Dr.Pepper and rest I was able to get up and go see my baby. They kept him in the nursery in the incubator for the rest of the day.
L&D Summary:
43 hours of cramping and contractions...which most people call Labor.
2 very happy parents.
1 healthy little boy with a cone-head.
Very excited family members and friends.
1 healthy and fast recovering new mom.
PLUS all the other joys a newborn brings.